S t u b b o r n (Benjamin)

[katherine]

John was off in nursery which left Katherine to spend the day alone with her youngest son. The quality time together was something she cherished, the same as she did when she got alone time with John. Any time with her sons lately was cherished, with the miscarriage and Benjamin leaving, it was the only stable constant she had and in a way she was almost trying to over compensate for Ben not being there. The pain of his leaving was still fresh, she missed him all the time but she still remained adamant that space was what they had needed to gain some perspective.

They'd barely spoken in the month they'd been separated, Sterling would drop the kids off for her when it was time to see their Dad, everything was still to raw for her. Though if she was being more honest with herself maybe it was the fear of actually confronting their problems again. It had been hard but she'd dealt with the miscarriage, and although there was a part of her that still grieved, she knew she couldn't dwell on it because she had two other children who needed her. There was a part of her that regretted asking for the space, but another part of her that was still so sure it's what they had needed.

Being part of the Order was a responsibility she took incredibly serious, but being a Mother, at least to Katherine was more important. Being there for her children, not disappearing for weeks on end and although she loved Ben for his dedication to the Order and how brave he was another part of her hated it. He went away for weeks on end whilst she was left to care for the children not knowing if her husband was dead or not, could he not see that they needed him here just as much as he was needed out there. All she was asking was for him to stop taking every single harrowing mission they offered him, or to at least consult her first.

Though before he'd left, she'd asked him to make that choice and he'd left. Katherine had thought she'd cried herself out over the miscarriage but a fresh wave had attacked her that night. She'd spent the entire night after he left curled up on their bed sobbing, her chest aching as her heart broke into pieces. Benjamin had chosen the Order. Katherine never wanted him to leave, maybe just step back and spend time at home helping her to get through the loss of their baby but no...he couldn't.

Sighing softly she sat down onto the edge of the fountain and stood Jack on her lap turning her son around to face her. Almost instantly the little boy cradled his Mother's face between his hands and began talking to her. Just under one year old and he already had a lot to say. Laughing she lightly rubbed her nose against his, "Is that so Mr...well what did you say to that?" she asked playfully, tickling her sons sides as he erupted in a fit of giggles. Laughing softly again, Katherine looked up, her breath catching as her eyes locked with...

Outfit!

[benjamin]

Curse these Hogsmeade weekends at the school, in all honesty he would rather be in his office. He did have a whole stack of papers that needed to be graded, but he was on duty to be the escorting teacher on the Hogsmeade visits. Although he didn't think that it would do much to protect the students, ever since the attack on the school it was required that a member of the staff be present in the village one days that the students were allowed to go to the village. And for whatever reason, it was decided that it would be Benjamin's duty that day.

If given his way, he would rather spend the day alone, locked up in his office which he had hastily transformed into a living space. Each night he would transfigure his desk into a bed, he had also transfigured the fireplace into a closet, so his things wouldn't be crammed into his trunk. It had been almost a month since the fight that had sent Benjamin packing, and thus far there hadn't been a day where he didn't kick himself for it. He had been exhausted, frustrated beyond belief, and yet she had jumped down his throat about him fulfilling his duties for the Order.

Benjamin wasn't proud of the way he had acted, though he wasn't sure if he should apologize for it, either. His wife knew the extent of his unending loyalty. He'd fight for the Order until the end, and the same went for his family. Of course, for the past month they might not have seen that. Though he had sent the entirety of his last wages back home, and was planning on sending all that he got next pay day. He did still care, he honestly did, though perhaps this time apart had been something they both had needed to sort through their thoughts.

Benjamin still loved his wife ferociously, even during the separation the wedding band hadn't left his finger. He and Katherine were still married, they had just been going through a difficult time was all. He was willing to give it another go, if need be he'd take on less for the Order. They needed him, but so did Katherine and their children. Benjamin had grown up in a broken home, he wasn't about to inflict that on his children- not when he and Katherine still loved each other, not when stubbornness on both sides was essentially what had driven them apart to begin with.

Sighing lightly, Benjamin pulled himself out of his thoughts as he entered the main square, his gaze falling upon the last person he had thought he would see. Katherine. Perhaps this was some sort of divine intervention, neither of them had made any move to patch things up since he had packed up and left, hadn't exchanged more than a few words since. He couldn't walk away and not say anything... It was John who broke the silence, proclaiming "Daddy!" and teetering forward to wrap his arms around Benjamin's knees. He ruffled his son's hair. "Hey buddy," said Benjamin before looking up to his wife and adding a weak, "hi."

[katherine]

"Daddy!"

Katherine felt her breath catch and she had little choice but to watch Jack cross the distance between her and Benjamin to greet his Father. He had been the last person she'd expected to see today, but found she was still ecstatic to see him. Really she'd missed him but only now was it becoming apparent how much as her heart raced at an incredibly fast pace in her chest, almost making her forget why they had separated in the first place. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as Jack wrapped his little chubby arms around his Fathers knee, and looked up at him with big wide eyes, their sons more than missed him back home. No amount of time spent with their Father outside of home could erase that, they all felt his loss at the house.

"Hi..." she replied when he looked at her and greeted her, sounding unsure and very unlike the man she knew and loved. Was this what they had become? Small awkward meetings were now something she would have to get used too? Oh how she hoped not. She offered him a small smile, though even she couldn't hold back the slight unsureness in it, not knowing how they did this, what the protocol for situations like this was. Maybe part of her was just a little scared of the inevitable conversation they had to have, as well as the outcome. Part of her knew it could all go the very way she didn't want it to, there was a lot to work out.

"It's good to see you..." she said softly, tucking a lock of her hair back behind her ear, when it fell into her face. It was a pain, this wasn't how they where. Every inch of her longed to simply walk over to him and greet him with a kiss, smile and talk about what they could spend the weekend doing as a family. She self consciously twirled her wedding band where it sat on her finger and let her eyes fall down to Jack as he turned with a little wobble, loosing his balance for a moment and having to put his little hands on the floor to steady himself before pushing up and heading back over to his Mother. Leaning against her lap, only to look back at his Dad, expecting him to follow.

Katherine smiled and smoothed down his hair before looking back up at Benjamin. "How've you been? I see they conned you into babysitting duty..." she said lightly, attempting to lighten their situation but failing miserably. Yes, she really was no good at this. It still stung, the fact he'd chosen the Order over her and the children that night when she'd asked, and thinking back on that made her frown a little as she looked down. Smiling softly at Jack she looked up at Benjamin waiting for him to reply or take a seat, maybe even both.

Outfit!

[/quote]

[benjamin]

Benjamin managed a smile in return to Katherine, really, he had missed her. It had taken the whole of the first two weeks for him to get accustomed to sleeping in a bed by himself. It still wasn't quite right, but it wasn't so much the falling asleep alone that was bothersome, it was waking up. Opening his eyes to see no one around but him, his surroundings the crammed quarters of his office. The room really was a place to work, not a living space, but it was all that he had without resorting to going to his sister's or a friend's. And honestly, it was probably better than a couch.

Katherine's responding "hi" sounded about as off and awkward as his had been, but he didn't detect any coldness from her, nor did he hope that he himself was projecting any. He wasn't mad, not anymore, he had cooled down since the argument. Benjamin simply wasn't sure where to go from there. He knew he hadn't acted right, but then again, neither had she. It might seem childish, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be the first to apologize, he still didn't exactly see what he had done wrong. Yes, he hadn't been there when she needed him, but he was human. He had been on a mission, how could he have known?

Her next words surprised him, he wasn't sure what he was expecting from this, but it certainly hadn't been that. Though, honestly she was a sight for sore eyes, it had been too long, he missed her. "You too," said Benjamin, watching as Jack slipped from under his hand and went to go be beside his mother, looking up at him expectantly. Go on, his son's gaze alone seemed to say, you belong there. These days, Benjamin wasn't so sure, but it pained him, seeing that reflected in Jack who was still so young. He had been there with his own parents, it hadn't been a good place.

Caving, Benjamin went and sat down beside his wife, he wanted to slip his arm around her, but refrained, and kept a small amount of space between them. How had he been? Truthfully, miserable, but he wasn't sure that he wanted to admit that, though thankfully he was given a way out... "Oh, yeah, bit daft really, as if I can see them all at the same time," said Benjamin, giving a slight laugh, though it was hollow, forced. What was he supposed to do? He really didn't know.

[katherine]

As Ben sat down beside her, Katherine swallowed down the lump in her throat and willed her heart rate to slow down. All these years together and he still affected her though maybe it was worse because of how long they'd been apart. There was no denying how much she missed him, sleeping alone was complete torture. She was so used to curling into him, him holding her as they slept, she missed that closeness, that intimacy, they hadn't had any of it for a long time. With the stress of being part of the Order, the time apart, and even when he did come home poor Ben was exhausted, and then this last month. It was killing her, she hadn't realized how much she'd come to rely on him being there until she had suggested they take some space.

"Oh, yeah, bit daft really, as if I can see them all at the same time,"

Katherine looked across at Ben, a small frown on her face when he laughed. It was hollow, forced and not something she was used to hearing from him. Then again it had been a stressful time, "I think it's more for the kids...maybe...knowing your here, makes them feel safer somehow..." she suggested shooting him a small smile before looking away and adding, "...like it did me..." she admitted, looking up from her lap and over to him for a moment before looking away again. For a moment she simply allowed herself to indulge in watching the children from the school explore Hogsmeade, a soft smile playing on her lips as she remembered the days spent down here when she herself had been a teenager.

All too soon though the crushing reality of what was now her future drifted back to her. Gently trailing her fingers through Jack's hair as he leaned back against her knees, watching the students she sighed, "I'm sorry for things went down that night...I can't apologize for some of the things I said though Ben...I wanted us to talk but with the mis...with the other thing it just, I was in a bad place and I just snapped I'm sorry." she said, and she was, sorry for how it had gone down but she'd been honest in some of the things she had said, she'd just wished it hadn't blown up in the way it had. Maybe they could have sorted things by now, then again he had chosen the Order over her, when she'd given him the choice and no matter how he swung it, that stung...

Outfit!

[benjamin]

Benjamin lightly bit his lip, never before had he imagined that things would be awkward between him and his wife, they hadn't really fought before. At least not of the magnitude of the argument that had resulted in him leaving. It seemed that neither of them knew how to handle it, the both of them lacking experience in anything more than petty disagreements. He wasn't well-versed in any of it. Benjamin had been about to reply on her comment that having a teacher present might be for peace of mind for the students, but she had gone on to say that his presence had done that for her.

Now Benjamin wasn't sure what to say, a small part of him wanted to break down, tell her that he still wanted to be able to provide that for her, and that he had been an idiot, but his wounded- but not defeated- pride refused to allow him to beg. That was one thing that Benjamin never did. It might be a pitfall, but he wasn't going to grovel when it wasn't completely his fault, his wife had acted poorly, too, this wasn't a one-sided issue. He reached down, absently scratching where what remained of his leg met his prosthetic as Katherine spoke again, bringing up the inevitable, though really he had had enough of this forced, polite conversation.

Benjamin sighed lightly, pulling a hand through his hair as he formulated a response. "I think both of us were in a bad place that night," said Benjamin, "I'm sorry that I lost it, I was just on my last nerve." He looked down as Jack grabbed two of his fingers in his pudgy hand, and smiled softly before looking back to his wife. "I never have, nor will I ever abandon you, but you have to understand that I can't abandon them, either."

[katherine]

Katherine listened as Ben spoke, unable to help smiling softly as their son reached for his Dad, taking two of his fingers in his hand. The little boy looked between them both smiling, and after tapping his nose Katherine looked up at Ben, sighing softly. "I know Ben and I would never ask you to step away from the Order, I couldn't do it either but if it came to a choice...Jack, John, even you would come first..." she said to him, looking down at Jack who toddled a few feet away to the grass, where he began plucking up flowers, effectively crushing them in his hand in the process. Smiling softly, Katherine sighed and turned to look at Benjamin, always keeping Jack in sight though.

"You know I'm loyal to the Order but they come first, our children, our family...I love you for your dedication for how much you try but your doing it at the expense of those boys and I know you don't mean it..." she held up her hand, hoping he didn't think she was judging him or accusing him of anything. "I could past the m-miscarriage...it broke my heart but I had them boys...and you came home...and I find out you weren't back for long before you were heading back out there and again I'm not judging but I just wanted you to sit it out, to stay with me..."

Inhaling softly she shook her head, looking away from him to blink away the tears that had regretfully filled her eyes. For a moment she just looked at Jack before turning to look at Ben again, smiling slightly and shrugging her shoulders, "If wanting you home with us more than once a month is me being selfish then so be it Ben...you know I would never ask you to stop because I can't...I just wanted you to take a step back and remember that we're here to, we need you here with us sometimes as well..." she said, finally breaking, her cheeks flushing slightly over how much she'd said but she'd needed to get it out there, lay it out on the table in the way she'd intended to that night before she'd blew up on him. She hadn't meant to she just couldn't help it and had regretted it ever since.

Outfit!

[benjamin]

Benjamin was quiet, he would wait for his turn to speak, he could tell that Katherine had a lot to say, he could practically see the words behind her eyes. Even in the near month apart he had yet to lose his ability to be able to read her, and he was certain that she could still see straight through him. Before the argument, it had been what had kept their marriage strong, each of them understanding the other without needing to speak much. It was unspoken things like that that had made what they had so good. Benjamin still wasn't sure where exactly they had gone wrong.

Yes, he was gone an awful lot, risking his life for the sake of fellow Order members, though if he were to be honest it wasn't much different than the days where he had been dueling professionally- only now he was doing so for a cause rather than for money. Benjamin had thought his wife would be proud of him, but apparently not. At the very least he had thought that she could understand, Katherine had known when they had gotten married that his soul would not be content at a desk job, staying home all the time. He had a deep longing for adventure, to feel like he were making a difference, even if only in the life of one person.

And they had saved three members, Persephone was still gone, but they had gotten back the rest that were still alive. "It's not selfish," said Benjamin, his gaze flickering over to his son who was crushing flowers as he attempted to pick them, "I've needed to sort my priorities. If our men and women weren't out there then you bet your arse I would have been there. They were being tortured out there, they're still in rough shape. And I know you needed me too, but there's only so much me to go around. And yes, I did put them first, I wanted to be there, but I couldn't turn my back on them, not then." He paused, he was only then aware of the fact that he had taken his wife's hand, but he didn't release it. "You know I want to give you and our boys everything," Benjamin added.

[katherine]

Katherine released a breath and shook her head as she looked across to where Jack was. Just like Benjamin had done with her, she waited and listened patiently, giving him his moment to talk and everything he was saying had valid points, she knew this and maybe she wasn't selfish but there was still a part of her that would never truly be okay with him running off to experience new adventures all the time. Of course she'd known what he'd been like before they married but some naive part of her had hoped when the boys came along it may be enough of a reason to want to stay and take care of them with her. Though she knew if they were to ever make it work she had to learn to bend to his need to have adventure, but he needed to understand he had a family to look after to.

Somewhere along the way in the conversation Benjamin had taken her hand in his, and for some reason she couldn't find it in her to pull away. Truth be told she didn't really want to, she'd missed their closeness and he may only be holding her hand but it was something. "Benjamin I don't want you to feel like the boys and I need everything, all we need is you to want to be with us...even when your home, it's like your not really there you know. It's like there's always some part of you that can't just be happy with us, in those moments your there..." she sighed softly and shook her head, squeezing his hand gently, not wanting him to feel like she was having ago. They were talking and everything needed to be laid out on the table if they had any chance of figuring this out.

"I don't want you to give up on the Order, I can't but I just don't want us, or mainly them boys to come second to it anymore." she said, her eyes flickering over to Jack before she frowned, "Hey, Mr, don't even think about it..." she warned, watching as Jack halted from shoving a hand full of mud into his mouth, staring back at his Mum wide eyed for a moment before pouting and throwing the soil back down. Chuckling, Katherine turned back to Benjamin, "I want this to work, I want us to go back to how it was before...I want you to come home, the boys miss you..." she said softly.

Outfit!

[benjamin]

Again, unaware of his actions, Benjamin began stroking the back of Katherine's hand, though he might not admit it, he had missed the contact, and just all the time being alone was beginning to get to him. Something about returning to his office after supper, alone, was disheartening. They weren't meant to be apart. His anger stirred faintly at her words, though Benjamin forced it back. But all the same, it was a bitter phrase to swallow. He didn't half-ass anything, when he was home he was home, and when he was out on a mission he was on a mission. If that was Katherine's opinion, well, then he couldn't do anything about it.

Benjamin had been about to reply to her second statement when his wife, with her hawk-like maternal vision, snapped at their son to not eat the fistful of mud he had scooped up. He lightly shook his head, it was a wonder how any child survived to adulthood with the daft things they did. "I miss them, and I miss you," said Benjamin, "and I'm willing to adjust my priorities if you want me back. So, my dear, can I come home tonight?"

((OOC: Sorry it's short.))

[katherine]

Katherine kept her eyes on Jack as the little boy continued to pout, putting his hands on his lap and playing with his fingers as he looked up at her from under his lashes. Katherine smiled and shook her head, making Jack sigh dramatically before he proceeded to carry on plucking up flowers and sniffing each one. Ben's thumb brushed over the back of her hand and the gesture was a comforting, welcomed one, she really had missed him. The idea of returning back home, to an empty bed wasn't something she'd been really looking forward to. Rolling her eyes at Jack she turned to look at Ben again, in time to see him too watching their son and shaking his head, clearly thinking along the same lines as her.

"I miss them, and I miss you, and I'm willing to adjust my priorities if you want me back. So, my dear, can I come home tonight?"

Katherine sighed softly and shook her head, crossing her legs, covering Ben's hand with her other as well. "Don't change anything I just you to remember we need you as much as the Order does, if we can do that then I think we'll be fine." she said, smiling gently as she looked at him, reaching out to let her hand rest gently over his cheek, "I miss you too, I want you home...tonight...doesn't feel like home without you there if I'm honest...and that bed is too big and cold..." she admitted, leaning in to press her lips against his, her entire body buzzing at the connection, she really, truly had missed him. Pulling back she smiled lightly, her eyes flickering to Jack who was now handing out flowers to girls passing by, "Damn not him too..." she sighed, pulling a face. Only last week she'd found out John had found himself a little girl-friend in day care..."So can I expect you back in time for dinner? Or do you think you'll have eaten by then?" she asked.

((OOC: Want to do a scene with him coming home? We could carry on a few hours later from here if you want with your post or even mine.))

Outfit!

[benjamin]

((OOC: Actually, my muse is epic failing at the moment I have nothing for this thread...))